Rest Peacefully, My Friend

Late in the evening yesterday, about 9:00, I stopped in for a brief visit with a very dear friend of mine, John R. Shank, Jr., who had already entered the last phases of battling amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s disease).  He was sedated and non-responsive.  His son of whom he was so very proud was there by his side, along with his daughter-in-law, and also a team of caregivers doing all they could to tend to his comfort and dignity.

I had visited with John just two weeks ago, early on a clear and unseasonably warm early fall day.  He was already quite frail but still sharp of mind and wit—it’s one of the horrors of ALS, that as your body declines into uselessness, the mind remains fully alert to your suffering—so we had a lively discussion of large and small subjects.  He spoke openly of his approaching death, frankly hoping it would be soon and quick, and of his law partners present and past, and of his church whose members had so faithfully cared for him with frequent visits.  He weighed in on current political issues, knowing his last votes had long since been cast and counted.  He was grateful for having been visited each of the then 81 days of his stay in an extended care facility.  He mentioned several times how proud he was of his son.  In that thirty-minute visit I was struck by how well John knew where he had been, was living in the current moment, and understood what pathway he was following and where it would lead.

All I could really say to him last night in my final visit was, “Rest peacefully, my friend.”  I knew he would understand, even without hearing me.

In the day after’s blur, my work has a bit less meaning or urgency, some of my things seem less valuable, the newscasts are a lot more boring.  The people I care for are more significant, and their voices soothe.  It’s a good moment to reflect on the lessons from visiting a person who has seen it all with the defining clarity of approaching death.

In the meantime, in John’s honor please consider: http://www.alsa.org/about-als/what-is-als.html.